Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
