Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
