Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
