He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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