And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
