Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
