He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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