And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
