My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
