I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
