Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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