he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
