Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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