i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize