It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
