im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
