I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
