I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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