apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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