I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
