My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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