Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
