her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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