Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
