I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
