Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
