Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
being pregnant is like rehab
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize