3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
