Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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