i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you never un-have a 4some
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
