I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
