He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
