I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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