if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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