If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
