if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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