Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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