Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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