He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
