Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Success! We fucked roommates!
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