i will never coherently bang her
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
