Fuck appropriateness.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
