It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
