Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
