Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
