Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
