her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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