We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
