I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
