when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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