It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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