I'm so fucking centered right now
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
send nudes
from the living room?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
