I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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