We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
