I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
