he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Screwed.edu
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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