he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
