I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize