what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
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