He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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