You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
