My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
