my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
