im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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