I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Non-Jews are for practice
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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