Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize