She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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