Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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