Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
