I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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