Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
