I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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